What They Will Remember II, The Sequel

Yes, there is an unfortunate sequel to the story of my stormy Tuesday with Jackson. We had our tender moment, described previously, when I made the choice to give him the affection he was asking for, so of course I dumbly assumed everything would be peachy when I went to pick him up from his after-school program at six that same evening.

Have I learned nothing these past six years?

I noticed that Mr. B., the head after-school teacher, was awarding Jackson’s older brother Diego with “Colt Cash,” a positive behavior incentive that they use to reward good behavior, good deeds and the like.

“Sorry, Jackson,” he said kindly to the younger Fuchs boy. “Maybe tomorrow you’ll get some.”

The fabled “Little Curl” appeared on his forehead, and once we got outside the tears came flowing. He was in full effect.

It was on.

I tried the Love and Logic stuff; I swear I did.

“You sound upset, Jackson,” I said. “What can we do to make you feel better?”

“AHHH!” he answered.

“Jackson, I’m going to need you to stop screaming. Daddy can’t drive when people scream in the car.”

“AHHHH!!” he replied, twice as loud.

Diego was looking out the window, going to his Happy Place, no doubt. He knew what was coming next.

“Let’s put that seat belt on, buddy,” I said, amid the swelling tantrum and screaming. My head was beginning to throb now. “Do you need some help?”

And that’s when it happened. He crossed the line. When I reached back to help him, he hauled off and hit my arm. Hard.

So I smacked him across his shoulder, three times. Hard. And I began yelling. Diego kept looking out the window all the while.

“You wanna hit?!” I screamed. “I can hit harder! You wanna scream?! I can scream louder! You wanna go down this road? We’ll go down this road. You treat me like a piece of garbage and put your hands on me, I’ll treat you worse and hit you harder! Because that’s what happens in life! You get treated the way you treat other people! Understand?”

Through his tears he said he did. And he stopped yelling.

The truth is I don’t want this kind of relationship with him, and as true and effective as my words may have appeared to have been, the fact is they won’t always be. Someday he’ll be bigger, stronger, and louder than me. But it won’t matter, because we won’t be speaking to each other by then if this keeps up.

It’s complicated. Something has to change, and soon.