Real Tears for a Traveling Dad

It takes some time for me to get geared up for these monthly flights to Dallas. (I'm leaving for another one tomorrow morning.) Not to bore you with the details, but there's some preparation involved -- both in terms of paperwork, and also getting ready emotionally. Even though it's only two nights and three days each time, it feels like longer.

Tonight was the real kicker. Still tired from an after-school nap, Jackson, my five year-old, sat next to me at the dinner table, kind of leaning on me. My seven year old was on my other side, also leaning, when he said, "Jackson, why are you crying?"

When I looked over at Jackson, there were real tears running down his cheeks. "I don't want you to go, Daddy. Please don't go."

This was a new reaction for him. Normally, there's something like a disappointed "Awww," which moves quickly over to extortion, as he begins to make a play for a present. This time, that other shoe never dropped. He just cried. My heart heaved, and I nearly joined him.

"It's okay, baby," I said, "don't cry. I won't be long. Just a couple of days."

I wanted to explain to him that Daddy is not only lucky to have such a good job, that he likes, he's lucky to have any job at all in this economy. A child will not understand it, and besides, he's crying for a very basic reason. And it's something the whole family can relate to, because we're all hitting it at more or less the same time.

The fact is I've been taking these trips for a year now, and it's been hard on all of us. Jackson, being the youngest, is expressing it more directly than the rest of us are. I want to tell him and Jeanette (Diego seems to be taking it best) to just hold on for one more year, till the grants I'm managing expire in February 2012. At that point my work will likely be more rooted at the service center, with only occasional trips.

Until then, we'll need to hang in there. We're taking our own trip at the end of April, as a family, and I think that will help, too. It isn't just the fact that I'm going on an airplane that bothers Jackson; it's that I'm going on an airplane without him.